Five Hundred Times

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.

"You are a school teacher, eh?" said he.

"Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

Your horse called

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

He says, "Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."